lavender-labia:
“Good morning New York. I’m sorry to bother you. I’m not hungry. I do not want food or money, I just need a little support. I got dumped last week and I’m trying to give her space but I can’t do nothing. If you have any words of advice for me, a quote that resonates with you or a story about second chances, please raise your hand and I’ll come to you. I have sharpie markers and I’ll stay as long as it takes.”
lavender-labia:
cuddlingisoptional:
desliz:
Oh sweet baby Jesus, not this shit.
There’s a high likelihood that someone who knows her saw this bullshit. We also live in an age where this crap will inevitably be recorded and make its way onto the internet somehow. He included her picture, and he chose one that showed her being affectionate to him. If all he wanted was hugs and acceptance from strangers, there is no fucking reason to include her image. By doing so, he is deliberately a creating a situation in which other people can harass her for him. Secondly, the choice of image clearly does not reflect her current feelings towards him, but, by publicizing that one, he is using the classic abusive technique of recounting expressions of love from the past in order to undermine the victim’s current drive to stay way from him. I have been in that situation, and if you want to tell me it’s all about ~universal human feelings~, you can go fuck yourself with a a cactus. Third, all these excuses for this shit enable abusers. Abusers are often very charming people who are good at manipulating sentiment in others. Lots of abusers pull this undying love shit, portraying themselves as devoted everymen who only want people to understand their pain. There is a lot of pressure on women to return to men who do this kind of shit, because omg he clearly loves you so much! The victim feels unable to air any negative feelings about her partner, because she will have them brushed off or used against her.. She will be assured that he has learned his lesson, and be admonished for leaving a man who is so clearly devoted to her. Men understand that they can use popular social narratives to reestablish control over women, and technology is making that easier than ever.
THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. IT IS FUNDAMENTAL TO ENABLING MALE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. IT IS A FEMINIST ISSUE.
I normally do not reblog this kind of shit, but for any dude that has ever been dumped, still in love and desperately tried to win her heart back, no matter the circumstance…this is legit shit. And do not give me that bullshit “dude, if she dumped you she obviously doesnt want to be with you, just get over it, you pathetic asshole”…First of all, fuck you. Second of all, fuck you.
Your comments are the epitome of rape culture and everything that is wrong with concept of friend-zoning. Fuck you. Like actually fuck you, you entitled piece of shit. Women owe you NOTHING. Women do know what they want, and if they dump you it IS because they don’t want to be with you. Stop perpetuating the sexist assumption that women don’t know their own mind. No means no, and any other interpretation is rape culture at work. You and your commentary can actually fuck off.
As for the OP: I’m speechless. “I’m trying to give her space, but I’m walking around with her face on a sandwich board and I’m convincing everyone that she’s the horrible person here and I’m so unfairly victimised.” Cool story, bro. Tell me more about how you’re irresistible and why everyone should want to be with you.
Reblogging to add: behaviours like this become even more terrifying when you consider that the riskiest time in a woman’s life is when she breaks up with a male partner (in that she is significantly more likely to be murdered than at any other point in her life). Too often that partner perceives the break up as a challenge to their authority/masculinity and take drastic action to either a) get them back or b) stop anyone else from having them either. That - in addition to the rapey/entitled undertones - is what makes this dude’s actions so fucking terrifying.
Has anyone in these comments seriously never met a woman who has behaved badly when they’ve been dumped? I’ve met plenty who’ve had difficulty accepting their partner no longer wants to be in a relationship. Their response being to obsess over their ex’s online activity, leave a series of pleading/harassing text messages and in one situation a car being keyed. These women aren’t perpetuation social injustice against men, they’re selfish people behaving like idiots. This moron decided to make a private thing very public because he’s just like everyone else (regardless of sex) that can’t accept that it’s over.
I was once subjected to harassment by my old coworkers for rejecting a would-be suitor. I was 17 and the guy in question was 29. He had a mental disability and he was very friendly and hard working. He was well liked by everyone on staff but because of his disability everyone handled him with kid gloves. I guess he’d been harboring a crush on me for some time, so when he decided he was going to ask me out he went out of his way to share his plans to a majority of our coworkers.
The thing was I had no interest in dating anyone, period (let alone someone 12 years my senior). A lot of my coworkers were aware of this fact as I’d rejected interested coworkers in the past with the same line of reasoning. But of course, everyone just gave him their blessing and told him to go for it. Right before he approached me, he went into a full employee’s lounge and announced to everyone he was about to ask me out and they just cheered him on.
He asked me out in the middle of a shift. Rejecting him was unbelievably awkward. I tried to be polite as possible about it and told him how flattered I was but in the end I wasn’t looking to be involved with anyone. He wasn’t happy about it, he was quiet and looked fairly upset. He just told me ‘okay’ and never spoke to me much after that. I will never forget the absolute shit storm that followed.
News travelled fairly quickly and I received a bunch of nasty comments from not only my coworkers, but supervisors. I couldn’t leave because I was in the middle of a shift, so I just had to put up with it. After all, I was the person who rejected the love of the mentally disabled guy with the heart of gold. In the eyes of my coworkers I was worse then Hitler. A lot of the comments I got were around the lines of “How could you” to straight up “Bitch”. It was very distressing because it just showed no one cared about my feelings, I should have just dated the guy because only his happiness is important. My input didn’t matter. After close I received a “How nice of a guy X was, he could do better” comment from a supervisor and I snapped in a very loud and angry way. I told that jerk that if he liked this guy so much maybe they should be going out, otherwise to mind his own damn business. No one bothered me after that.
The point is situations like this can have a very negative outcome. My experience was incredibly unfair and I will remember it for the rest of my life. However I don’t think my experience would have been different if I were male. I don’t resent my admirer for it because he genuinely thought he was being romantic. Just my stupid coworkers who acted like their opinion mattered when it comes to my private life. If there is an active audience they will make one party a hero and the other a villain. They’ll despise the villain for crushing the hero’s love and they won’t give two shits for your reasoning. It is ALWAYS a mistake to make these things public no matter what your gender. If you’re going to be bummed and clingy, do so with a tub of ice cream in the privacy of your own home.
(Source: mendmyheart)
